long weeks that fly by....

so i realize that the last entry was a little depressing and probably preeminently so. i have way too long to go and way too many things that will be much more difficult than anything i have experienced so far to be getting depressed already.

on that note, things the rest of the week were much better. i felt much more effective with the my three childrens and i felt like they were actually learning. they've all been doing better and better on the end of class assessments that they take each day so hopefully they are learning at least something. i found out on friday that i will probably be teaching 6 classes of about 25 students in the fall so i don't know exactly how well my three kids are preparing me for that experience. i guess we will see. i also learned on friday that my high school went to the state finals in football last year. hopefully the offensive line coach also quit his job. we will see. i want to coach. end of story.

some days are awesome, some days are rough. that continues to be the theme of this extravaganza. i realize each day how much more i have to learn, and i try not to let that overwhelm me. to relate this post back to the subject, its crazy that i've been here for three weeks, almost four if you count induction. the weeks are so long, yet they fly by. by wednesday i'm usually ready to see friday come, but it seems like i blink my eye and the week is gone. there is just so much going on at all times during the day it makes things go by pretty quick like. two highlights of the week:
1. all three of my kids have problems with the english language. they know how to speak it, but reading and writing are a struggle. one day we just sat down and read a story because it was "review day" and i attempted to help them learn how to read. it was pretty amazing, made me wish i was teaching reading.
2. on friday one of my three asked me after class, "so are you going to be teaching here like when real school starts?" when i informed him that i sadly wasn't, he dropped his head and walked off.... extremely sad, but also gave me some hardcore motivation.

to sum up - life is good. there are days that are hard, but that just makes the good days even more rewarding. its only beginning, i hope people will be interested enough to keep reading when it really gets good. peace.

ahhh... i get it now...

so yeah..... all that stuff that tfa said about, "you are going to feel like a failure lots of times" is now actually starting to make sense. i only have three students right now, and i feel like i am failing them. how am i supposed to teach three or four classes of twenty or more students in the fall if i can't even teach three right now? its not as easy as one might think, this whole teaching thing. i have no misbehavior issues, but that doesn't mean that my students are actually learning anything in my class. today i was outside of class because the fire alarm had gone off and i asked carlos (one of my three) what we had learned in class so far this summer. he responded with a solid.... "uhhhh..." and was silent for another good 10 or 15 seconds. he then luckily was able to rattle off a few key topics, but trust me it was not a good feeling. i know i've only been teaching for a week and i know it will get better, but failure does not feel too good. this is what i asked for though. i wanted something challenging and this is and will be extremely challenging. i can't imagine what it will be like in the fall with 20 to 30 eyes on me, some interested, some not, waiting for me to teach them. its going to be a long road. just wanted to rant for a bit, back to lesson planning.

placement.

found out my placement today. i'll be teaching and living in helena, arkansas teaching either algebra 1 or geometry at central high school. i'm extremely pumped. perhaps even more exciting than anything, a former tfa corps member and auburn alum (former plainsman at that) lives in helena. i was very worried about who i was going to be able to watch auburn games, problem sovled. war eagle, gotta go do stuff. peace.

actually teaching...

so monday started my actual first day of teaching. its been ridiculously awesome so far. last time i talked about how i had gotten the short end of the stick on schools because we have further to go meaning less sleep and because i'm teaching social studies as opposed to my actual placement (high school math) BUT to make up for all of that, i got an amazing class. there are FOUR kids in my class, haha. only two were there today. it makes the dynamic a little different, but i have zero behavioral issues. it also means i get to work one on one with the kids constantly. as i said, i'm pretty lucky but it will make things much different when i get my class of 20 something kids in the fall. still haven't heard about placement yet, supposed to be finding out this week.

so sunday night i had fully convinced myself that i was going to be absolutely terrible at this. i felt totally unprepared to teach on the following day, and as i laid down i wondered the typical thoughts of "what i have i gotten myself into?" i had given up on re-writing my first day agenda for the 20th time around 1230 and just went to bed not feeling good about the day that was to come. because tfa is stocked full of the perpetual overachievers people had made posters, elaborate art projects, and laid out extensive behavioral and investment plans. as i went to bed with my white butcher paper containing my lousy two expecations and one semi-fancy poster containing the first line of the auburn creed, i knew i was doomed. i woke up around 2:00 and again every other minute (literally) after that and finally pulled myself out of bed to start the day at 5:30. in the end, it was fine. my first day wasn't perfect, but i'm pretty sure i wasn't alone in that. as i said, i lucked out beyond belief with the kids they put me with. they are awesome.

i feel like i must inclue in every post a summary of my sleeping schedule so that i can thoroughly prove to people that this thing is as intense as i said it was going to be. so i "caught up" on sleep from last week saturday night, getting a wonderful seven and a half hours. so sunday night, slept from about 12:30 to 2 and last night from 2 to 5:30. i'm shocked at how not tired i am right now. it actualy works out pretty well: i get a cup of coffee in the morning, start to get tired on the bus ride home in the afternoon, but go for a run to wake me up, and then hit up some coffee around 11. so life is good, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. im loving every minute of it so far, but i am well aware the lows will hit equally as hard as the highs. i'll keep updating as much as possible. hope everyone is well.

its hot as frick in houston.

i always claimed that auburn was about the hottest place on earth. i was sadly mistaken. its currently 97 degrees in the lovely city of houston, and it feels like 105. i've been running this week at around 5 o clock in the afternoon and it brings new meaning to the word humid. however, running is how i am keeping my sanity. i also just joined the university of houston gym, which is about the nicest thing i've ever seen in my life. to compare it to the auburn student act would be like comparing george w. bush's state of the union to president obama's. its ridiculous.

i got placed in the school that is furthest from the university campus, so that means our bus departs at 6:15 am. so i'm up at about 5:30 every morning and we get back around 5 in the afternoon. usually go for a quick run, dinner, and then work til anywhere from 10 to 12. i guess that is what is to be expected if you are learning how to teach in five weeks though.
to clarify, however, i love it here. there are moments i'm completely overwhelmed. but those moments have been few and far between. despite the stressful schedule, life is good. the other corps members are awesome and keep me going.

monday i actually start teaching, which makes me insanely nervous. i am teaching sixth grade social studies this summer, and the principal accidently "let it slip" to all the sixth graders that their "new teachers" had never been in the classroom before. the students wrote notes to us, one of the notes a fellow corps member received said "i don't care what you have to say. i don't like school. don't mess with me or i will get buck on you." so yeah, that freaked me out. we also watched a video of a tfa first year corps member last year at institute whose class was the most out of control thing i have ever seen. i thirteen year old girl, wearing large sunglasses shouted "blah blah blah" as the teacher tried to explain the rules and asked the teacher "do you know who i am?" so yeah, it made me nervous. i've convinced myself that i can handle it though. i've already signed a couple of people up for this, but if anybody would like to send me an encouraging text message around 11 o clock monday morning, it would be very helpful. haha.

i took that danged praxis test this morning and it was hard hard hard. i hope beyond hope that i passed. its questionable. so TONIGHT is the first night in a week and a half that i can relax and SLEEP PAST 6 O CLOCK TOMORROW. sadly for joel osteen i don't think i'll be making it to see him preach in the morning. i am determined to see the show at some point while i'm here though. i'm about to go out with some people for a wonderfully relaxing night of no work and, with all apologies to mee-maw and others of the like, a beer will never have tasted so good. i feel as if i've made this experience sound depressing, its really not. i love it so far. just stressful. thanks so much for all the thoughts and prayers. gotta go. peace.

in houston...

just finished my "induction" in the delta. we stayed at delta state university for the past three days in cleveland mississippi. so far everything has been awesome. induction was basically set up for us to meet the other tfa corps members in mississippi and to interview with principals. i interviewed with one school called KIPP, which is a ridiculously hardcore school in helena, arkansas. look it up (www.kipp.org). no telling if i will actually be placed at this school (likely that i won't) i think the interviews were more for us to find out information about the delta than anything. overall, the experience has been awesome thus far. there are 287 first year tfa teachers here, which is insane. we are now the 2nd largest tfa region in the country (behind new york) they are expecting a lot out of our group, which makes me all the more excited and nervous. i've met an insanely diverse group of people so far. there are peple here from oregon, new york, california, new jersey, boston, etc. etc. its a far stretch from my experiences in savannah or auburn. i live each day in a complex between optimistic idealism and pessimistic realism. what i have in front of me the next few years seems incredibly daunting but i will remain hopeful. in our region, only 10 percent of low-income eighth-graders score proficient in math. that is just one of the many statistics i could throw out to show how difficult this will prove to be. however, in hearing some of the stories of success from the tfa corps members i've met, i know this whole thing can happen.

i'll be teaching at sharpstown middle school in houston, texas for the next five weeks. from everything i've heard about institute, (which is where i am now) it is supposed to be crazy intense with our schedules going from about 6 am to 10 pm M-F, with lesson plans to be done after that. so it all starts tomorrow. keep praying for me. i'm going to be tired, but its going to be good stuff. the people around me have already proven themselves to be incredibly supportive and helpful. i need to be up at 5am so sleep beckons. peace.